I Worked for the CIA?

I barley spoke to anyone in high school, but had 2 half friends I talk too occasionally. My parents were doing well, and I had a mobile phone before anyone else. I spent a shitload of time on my laptop at school. My brother was teaching me C, C++, and C# and wrote stupid little programs. Towards end of the year, one of the dudes I spoke to occasionally told me their was a solid rumour that I worked for the CIA. I had 50 times more people then ever being friendly to me and all my WTF’s is going on. Everyone began calling me a spy, for the first time in my life, I actually had “friends.”

I was invited to parties but I never attended any of them because I was convinced people were fucking with me.

However, I’m certain I could have cultivated such a good hand further if I wasn’t such a social tard.

She Deserves Better

All through high school there was a good looking and intelligent girl hitting on me. I insulted her just to avoid her much as possible.

Wasted Teenage Years

I use to be beta as fuck back in high school, but still good looking. The hottest girls in school wanted to date me, but I figured they were joking.

One of the hottest girls in the school sends one of her friends tells me she wants to, get this, “go out with me.”

Now I was scared as fuck, but I gave in.

We tried dating for couple of days, but she realized I was beta as fuck and it was over.

A new girl came to the school and she instantly wanted to go out with me. She probably thought I was hot thus popular.

We’re together for a week until she realizes I’m not popular. Also realized I’m beta too and insecure. It was over right away.

Several of the hottest girls wanted to date me between the ages of 12-16.

I recovered thankfully and quit being shy and socially retarted. I’m quite good with girls now and have them around when I head out. Although, it does hurt to know I wasted my teenage years indoors afraid of things I really shouldn’t have been.

I Farted in Class

Here I am in middle school and I have this terrible stomach virus. I was cramping up real badly and my stomach was making rock smashing rumbles. It suddenly feels as if something drops and it makes a loud noise. I can feel the fart coming out, and I can’t hold it in.

I clench the seat with my hands and pull myself down to help prevent the fart but….

It comes out anyways sounds like a kid trying to use a trumpet mouth piece like, “ppfppppppfppppppfppppth”

A few people laughed and the teacher asked, do you need to use the bathroom?

I was trying to work an on the spot witty humor to break the awkwardness, my reply..

“Uhh no, but maybe a fart contest?”

Just really, what the fuck was I thinking?

Too Shy

Let me take it back to middle school. There was a decent looking girl with fairly huge breasts for her age. She was literally all over me most of the time. I could have easily had sex with her and lost my virginity in seventh grade like a pimp, but I was too shy.

Flash forward to high school. I had this crush on a cute girl. She asked me if I wanted to see a play on her birthday. I would have loved to go, but I shot her down because, like before, I’m too shy.

Very same girl asks me to the senior dance, and again, my shyness took that shot away from me.

A little more ahead, first year dorms, college life has begun. My roomate has a friend who isn’t too bad looking. One night she comes in really drunk and asks if she can sleep in the same bed as mine. It was obvious she was looking for sex, however, I said no because, no surprise, I’m shy.

Last Friday I was at a Christmas party and my friend is all over me, she was clearly asking for it. She tries to kiss me, but I turn her away because there are other people in the room and I’m to shy of a guy to kiss In public.

You may think I’m a loner, virgin, and everything else, but I’m not. Although, I’m still socially awkward.

I Got No Swag

Back in high school I began talking to this every now and then. Happily, one day she gave me her phone number. We began texting each other every now and then. One day she asked me if I’d like to go camping with her and her friends. Later that same night she asked me if it would be weird if she asked for sex from him. I said it wouldn’t be weird at all. Sadly, I didn’t go camping with them.

This other time I was in art class sitting next to a girl. Same idea, I get acquainted. I see her outside a coffee shop and she invites me to a party as well sex too.

I don’t have “swag” I never went to the party.

I Could Have Been Alpha

"Back in high school, I don’t remember what year in particular, I was seated next to a table of the hottest girls in school. They saw me usually, but this one day they began talking about me.
“Which guy do you think is hottest? His personality doesn't matter.”
Half of them said my name, but they also said one more thing.
“I wish he would talk more.” said one of them.
“Yeah, he never talks.” said the other.


I probably could have fucked so many girls if I was alpha, sadly, I’m still a virgin."
-Anonymous